Values in Intimate Relationships: Partners Who Help Each Other Pursue Values are More Well-Adjusted to the Relationship and Satisfied With Life

Values are broad goals that motivate behaviors and frame evaluations of others, the environment, and the self. Intrinsic values inherently fulfill psychological needs, whereas extrinsic values do not satisfy needs directly. Previous research has demonstrated that pursuing values leads to better life satisfaction, and the effect is especially strong when intrinsic values are pursued. Given the importance of value pursuit for well-being, intimate partners likely evaluate one another’s behavior based on whether one’s partner is assisting in one’s value pursuits. In two studies, I tested whether romantic partners’ level of relationship adjustment and life satisfaction were associated with holding specific values, understanding one another’s values, and helping each other pursue those values. In Study 1, 797 individuals in romantic relationships were asked about goals related to seven different values to index how strongly they held each value and how much their partner contributed to the pursuit of each value. Holding intrinsic values and having a partner who contributed to intrinsic value pursuits were much more strongly associated with relationship adjustment than holding (and receiving a partner’s contributions toward) extrinsic values. Moderation analyses revealed that the more firmly one held any intrinsic value, the stronger the connection between a partner’s contributions to the pursuit of that value and one’s relationship adjustment. In Study 2, both partners in 300 married couples rated their own values, their spouse’s values, and how much their spouse contributes to each value pursuit. In addition to corroborating Study 1’s findings at the couple level, I found that spouses having insight into one another’s values was weakly associated with relationship adjustment and life satisfaction. These associations were not consistently moderated by how much spouses contributed to one another’s value pursuits. This research sharpens the distinction between intrinsic and extrinsic values, revealing that satisfying relationships tend to be those in which partners hold intrinsic values and aid one another in pursuing those values. The findings highlight how values guide evaluations, especially in the context of intimate relationships, as relational and personal well-being are closely tied to whether one perceives that their partner’s behavior is aligned with their own values.